Not a Snowball's Chance in Hell

It snowed.
There might even have been a couple of inches of the stuff in Dublin.
And yes, it's been cold, though not in Malta where our Minister for Transport Noel Dempsey is currently sunning himself.
Anyway, it snowed and we had ice and fog and frost.
And yet another national crisis.
Following hot on the heels of the economic collapse (international problem, not our fault says the government) we had the floods (global warming, not our fault says the government) and now the big freeze (climate change, not our fault says the government).
Soon to come will be public service strikes (not our fault, blame the unions, the government will say) summer drought (see above) winter gales (see above) and half a million unemployed (see above).
I can say one thing for certain.
If I ever plan to have a piss-up in a brewery, I will not be asking any members of our current government to organise it.
I see snow on a rope in the back garden. I will not be asking any of them to kick it off.
Because they are inept. They have proven themselves unable to face any of the challenges thrown at them.
They prevaricate, they procrastinate, they delegate. But they don't actually do anything.
There is only one thing for it.
I'm off to build a snowman with Charlotte.
Note the word 'build.'
I wonder if there's a grant of any kind going?

Read More......

We're Going To Have To Move

Dammit, it's happened again.
Snow, two feet deep in Drogheda, we're told. Roads blocked in Donegal, they said on the radio. Pictures on television of kids making snowmen in Galway.
It's not fair.
Dublin didn't get a flake. Not one. Not a single flippin' flake.
I know, I know. You think we're lucky.
But I like snow. Connie like's snow. Eric - I mean, he's a Samoyed after all - must like snow. And I'll bet anything that Charlotte would absolutely love it.
But nothing.
We sit enviously watching the pictures on the news. We turn green listening to the warnings from AA Roadwatch on the radio.
We can't bear to watch the weather forecast, because when it comes to snow, Dublin isn't on the map.

It's worse for Connie. She's getting phone calls from Drogheda, her home town, telling her all about the snow there.
I can't remember the last time Dublin had decent snow.
Actually, I can. The trains stopped. The roads were blocked. The buses were off. People got trapped in the city centre.
The country stopped that time, back in the early eighties.
So bad was it, that the Coalition government of the day appointed a Minister for Snow, not that that's what they called it.
The late Michael O'Leary got the job.
And I remember photographs of him launching, if that's the word, two snowmobiles outside Heuston Station.
Two snowmobiles. And hundreds of thousands of people trying to get to work.
Anyway, he launched the snowmowbiles.
And then it rained.
And the temperatures rose.
And the snow melted.
And that was that.
Today, the snow is starting to melt in those parts of the country that had it.
But at least they had it.
I can imagine the giggles of Charlotte if I built a snowman.
I can imagine Eric almost vanishing in the whiteness.
I know you're probably thinking cold, icy, wind, traffic, skidding, power cuts and what not.
I'm thinking snowmen, snowballs, sliding, skating and the pure beauty of the Dublin mountains in the snow, not to mention the beauty of the garden.
But snow is a no-no in Dublin.
But for some reason, Dublin just gets wet.
And it's not fair.

Read More......

This is Ireland's Winter Wonderland

It's the same every year. The Christmas cards arrive and, almost without exception, they feature snow.
There are snowman. There are little cottages with snow on the roof. There are children playing in the snow. There are people tobogganing. There are buildings covered in snow.
Here in Ireland, companies send you cards which have digitally enhanced pictures on the front, showing their Dublin headquarters covered in snow.
Televisoin stations show us promotions. And there are always snow flakes.
Television advertisements feature snow, and some even feature Dublin scenes, covered in show.
Even the decorations on our streets are based on snow.
When was the last time it snowed at Christmastime in Ireland?
Some time around the birth of Christ, I'd wager.
So here is our new Christmas song. It's called Ireland's Winter Wonderland.
And, like the card above, it's true to life.

****

Car horns blare, traffic’s crawling,
Traffic jams, are appalling,
It’s nothing but rain,
It’s always the same,
This is Ireland’s winter wonderland.

Gone away is the summer,
Winter here is a bummer,
It rains cats and dogs,
There’s frost and there’s fog,
This is Ireland’s winter wonderland

In the meadow we can build a mudman,
And pretend that we’re in Sandy Lane,
But we know in our hearts that it’s a dudman,
And tomorrow ‘twill be lashing down again.

Later on, we’ll conspire,
As we sit by the fire,
Completely unfazed,
‘Cos we’re double glazed,
This is Ireland’s winter wonderland.

In the meadow we’ll swim in a puddle,
And pretend we’re on the Costa del,
But really in the cold we’ll all be huddled,
As the weather turns our Christmas into hell.

When it rains, it’s depressing,
In three layers you’ll be dressing,
You pray there’ll be snow,
But in your heart you know,
Not in Ireland’s winter wonderland.

Read More......