Tuesday, December 8, 2009

How To Prevent Cycling Accidents

It's a worry, isn't it?
We hear, every day, of cyclists being involved in accidents of one sort or another on our roads and, indeed, our footpaths.
For years, people have been trying to figure out how to solve this problem.
Well, I had a eureka! moment.
All of a sudden, the solution came to me.
And it's this.
WHY DON'T THEY LEAVE THEIR BIKES AT HOME AND GET THE BUS?
Simple, really.
If there are no cyclists out there, there will be no cyclists to knock down.
From a motorists point of view, there will be no cyclists to be knocked down.
I am referring, specifically, to those who completely ignore red lights.
I am referring, largley, to those who think that cycling and listening to music is a good idea.
I am referring, generally, to those who seem to believe that cycling on the footpath is their right.
I counted today. Fourteen times in less than half an hour cyclists sped past in front of me.
I tell a lie. Two of them almost sped into me. And it was THEY who gave ME daggers.
In that half an hour, I also spotted three cyclists riding merrily along footpaths.
Three quarters of all those I saw had earphones presumably blocking out all sound of other traffic, people roaring, car horns, police sirens and what not.
I saw one bicycle abandoned outside a shop in such a way as to present a hazard to all and sunday entering or leaving the premises.
As for cyclists at night, wearing dark clothing and carrying no illumination whatsoever, I don't have time or space to go there.
Anyway, I think my solution would solve the problem of cyclists and accidents.
It would also support public transport.
And it would mean the country's motorists and pedestrians were a lot less nervous as they went about their business.
And it would mean our 'Green' Ministers would have to think of some other wheeze for their next photoshoot.
Anyone fancy seeing them strapped to a windmill?

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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

No Real ads from the Real IRA

I have noticed, around my neighbourhood, a few notices stuck on lamposts urging one and all to join the 32 County Sovereignty Movement.
Snappy name, that.
Anyway, it's a kind of mundane ad for a terrorist organisation. Dull. Unexciting.
And, frankly, not at all getting their point across.
I mean, what they do is support the Real IRA in every way they can.
So, really, shouldn't their ad look a bit more like this?

*********************

DO YOU WANT TO KILL PEOPLE?
FANCY MURDERING SOMEONE – AT NO RISK TO YOURSELF?


We will show you how to:

Plant bombs, run away, and set them off by remote control.
Chuck pipe bombs through the windows of houses
Fire guns from a safe distance – safe for you, that is!
Join gangs armed with baseball bats to attack individuals (no crowds, they might fight back!)
Ruin lives
Set Ireland back 100 years and
Allow you to tell your children you’re a killer.

SO. ARE YOU THICK?
ARE YOU UNCIVILISED?
ARE YOU COMPLETELY BRAINLESS?

Well, you’re our man.

Women are more or less welcome too as long as they're a bit of fun an, you know, willing.

So get a move on.

After all, it IS the year 1162

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Saturday, November 21, 2009

Think I'll start again!

It's been a bit hectic around here this year.
Can't remember a week when I didn't have to see a doctor though I am remarkably well.
Charlotte is three and a half now and kind of full time.
Work is pretty time consuming too.
And of course, in my spare time, I edited Fearless and Bold, the coffee-table style book published to mark the 150th anniversary of Blackrock College. (www.blackrockcollege.com if you want to order it!)
But I think I'll revive this.
Next week.
We'll get going again.
See you then.

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Monday, January 5, 2009

Bankers and Politicians Are Recession Proof

There are bonuses and pay rises being dished out at Anglo Irish Bank.
Life goes on as normal for the bosses at AIB and Bank of Ireland.
Our TDs, the ones to whom we pay vast sums in salaries and allowances, are still on their Christmas break, and are still not putting their heads above the parapet when it comes to making a sacrifice or to lead by example in our current economic crisis.
In other words, those who caused our problems, and those we pay to solve our problems, are breezing through this recession without a care in the world.

And it is all our fault.
Because it is we, the people of Ireland, who took our eyes off the ball.
It is we who allowed TDs to accumulate allowances and salaries and nixers (like junior ministries and committee chairmanships) over the years.
It is we who failed to question each greedy move they made to fill their own bank accounts with our money.
And it is we who failed to tackle our banks, to question they way they do business.
To make them accountable.
Now, we have the appalling vista of the highly-paid dopes we elected to the Dáil giving bags of our money to the even more highly paid dopes who have managed to run the country's banking business into the ground.
How much of the €1bn we are giving to Anglo Irish Bank will go in bonuses and pay rises to the clearly inept management of the bank?
We are unlikely to be told.
How much does Anglo Irish owe to AIB and Bank of Ireland?
We don't know and, by not telling the truth about the situation, all three banks are, effectively lying about it.
Those who run our banks have proven their inability to do the job.
A child could run a bank during good times.
But it takes brains and skill to run a bank when times are tough.
Times are tough. And it is clear that those, still left in charge of our banks by the government, have neither the brains nor the skill to do the job.
They certainly have the nerve and the wit to look after themselves and each other.
Much like our politicians.
They have demonstrated an utter inability to deal with the current crisis.
But, thanks to their large salaries, the are all but immune from the economic mess we're in.
So don't be expecting miracle solutions.
Taoiseach Brian Cowen says it will take four or five years.
Of course it will.
And if I was in his job with its massive salary and endless perks, I wouldn't be that worried either.
Politicians and bankers are recession proof.
It's the rest of us who will suffer.

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